“Dude, this’ll make millions!” (Pretty much nonsense followed by a nice shoe-porn pic)

Hey all! Good to see ya!

 

 

 

I fly a lot. I run an install crew and anywhere there are fire stations, we can get called to work. Sometimes I can fit in a loop meetup when traveling, but not very often. One of the perks, though, is that I get to browse the many hilarious offerings presented in the Southwest Airlines Skymall catalog!!!

 

 

 

I’ve hand-picked a few particularly interesting items, and I hope you’ll allow me to share.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This nifty contraption will spare you the wet toilet seat while preserving your canine friend’s intoxicating crapper-breath.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why the hell am I wasting all this time running when this is clearly the way to get around?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ah, the Slanket.

 

I know what you’re thinking. Why am I showing you a perfectly normal sofa? Well I’ve got news for you. There is an expertly camouflaged and warm gentleman in this picture.

 

“Walk the Slank” and “Impending Bloom” prints are also available for your snuggling pleasure.

 

 

 

 

 

 

No garden is complete without a complete set of skeleton gnomes and their mutant horse-kangaroo hybrid.

 

It’s true.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Every Jewish family loves to gaze at their Christmas tree after a big Chanukah ham supper, right?

 

 

 

 

 

 

No Loopy, the models don’t come with the PJs.

 

Does this ad seem as ridiculous to anyone else? I feel like this is the opening scene to a porn flick.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Guys can’t resist Senorita Monkeyhands!

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Does your ass deserve this kind of opulence? Yes!”

 

Ok, that’s not what the ad says, but it may as well have.

 

 

 

 

 

 

What.

 

The.

 

Hell.

 

 

 

“Ideal for athletes!” ¬† Hear that, y’all?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Looking for that perfect coat rack? Stand-in for your Christmas cards? Reminder not to hunch when running?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ok, this used to be fairly obscure, but now they’re everywhere! Even in the ad banner on this very website!!!

 

You cannot tell me that logo passed all stages of production without a single person stopping to ask, “Why are we marketing sperm shoes?”

 

Remember at your next race, friends: Out of thousands of runners, only one can be the winner.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because I’ve always wanted a chair that makes me feel like an infant.

 

 

 

 

 

This is the cream of the crop, the very best the magazine has to offer! I hope you all appreciate my combing through the many useless items held within Skymall and hand-selecting these for you. I’ll be ready for the flood of thank you notes which are sure to pour in.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And as a side note, I was just looking through my gear and realized that my shoes don’t really seem to wear out! As a minimalist guy, I tend to run pretty lightly, not really even making sound. An unexpected (though it makes sense) benefit to this is that all my shoes take foreeeeever to wear down. I mean like 1,000 miles or more! Plus, as I am a complete shoe-whore and keep buying new tools for the arsenal, the miles are dispersed among an increasing number of pairs. All I can say is I’m glad DW is also a runner and has allowed this embarassment of riches to occur.

 

 

Can’t wait to wear them ALL out!!!

 

 

 

 

 

Run happy and healthy, you fantastic people!

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